« Home | About Jack and Jill » | JUNE 29, 2006 » | Let Me Essplain.... »


For a successful outing to a Fourth of July Parade:

Take a fair-skinned 3 year old and translucent-skinned 1 year old and put hats on them.
They will look adorable. Be prepaired for that. Take them to a 9:30 parade at 9:45 and wait 45 more minutes in the 1 square foot shade of a shrub. Because it's Texas, and you are desperate.

Stupidly sit at the end of the parade route and see a bunch of wet, weary, heat exhausted, candy-less paraders who just have their eyes on the finish line 100 feet away. Except for the Shriners who have all kinds of energy zipping around on their go-karts.

Don't wear mascara (unlike in eviction battling) because unexpectedly, tears will fill your eyes when the war veterans--elderly men, unable to stand unassisted, and young men, with their whole lives ahead of them, pass by. Eye makeup combined with overwhelming gratitude for the sacrifices they have made= smeared, clumpy, black-brown, High Impact mess.

Feel the last square inch of your shirt lose it's resistance to the overpowering enticement of persperation and make you the complete sticky blob of sweat God intended Man Who Occupies Texas to be.

Watch dumbly as your one year old toddles dangerously into the pathway of a parading truck because the Salsa music blaring from it transfixes her and she loses all sense and reason.

Scream "STOP" at the driver who doesn't hear you at.all. but startle the transfixed toddler long enough to put an oh-so-brief pause in her gait and launch your husband into action to rescue her.

Secretly be glad that no one really knew you were actually trying to get a truck with blaring music to stop because you are too slow of a reactor to do what makes more sense.

Bribe your 3 year old away from the final straggling paraders with the promise of a cold Sprite.

Leave the car parked and walk half a block to McDonalds to let all the traffic cure itself while you are happily munching on salted grease.

Meet Ronald McDonald who has a foreign accent you can't place because there are no other visual clues. What country sports Kool-aid red hair and bright yellow jump suits for fashion?

Let your one year old happily dump an entire cup of cold water on her shorts. Watch as she tries to catch some of the splashing water drops with her tongue.


Listen to your 3 year old announce 5 times that NOW HE HAS TWOOO DUMP TRUCKS! to the entire restaurant. Listen to your husband tell him to not talk so loud 6 times.

Try not to gag when your son finishes playing on the play structure and comes back to eat.
(I am not a germ-a-phobe but those things disgust me beyond words)

Walk back to your car in an empty parking lot with no sign of any parade or traffic.

Drive home to the music of your 1 year old forcing laugh sounds to try and get daddy to look at her and your 3 year old singing made up songs intermittent with whining, "but I don't like home, not yet I don't like home, I want to go to the post office..."

Pass a few different 4th of July festivities with barbeques and bounce houses and hope your husband drives fast enough that the 3 year old doesn't see them and silently wish you had the fortitude and/or parental selflessness to stop and enjoy.

Come home to a lovely home filled with the aroma of garlic and curry. Wafting from the neighbor's house.

Feel an overall sense of peace and gratitude to live in this country with the blessings and freedoms and opportunities it affords. If you let it simmer for just a moment, you can't help but to feel appreciation for those who came before you and made this way of life possible.

Happy Birthday America. I'm glad I get to be your friend, and come to your parties. Next year, don't invite humidity and include some more cool breezes and cloud covers. I'll bring the flags!

LOL... hilarious.

Hubby spent part of his morning watching reruns of "Cops" yesterday... just the kind of opportunity our ancestors died to provide for him. :)

I get all teary-eyed at the military stuff in parades, too.

You make me even more happy to live in the Pacific Northwest, land of no humidity and 75 degree Independence Days! (And blankets at night to watch fireworks!)

I actually remember saying "but I don't want to go home, can't we stop at Osco for some batteries or something?" I think I was considerably more sheltered than Benja, which explains why I was still saying that at age 13.

I canNOT stop laughing about "Ruler of Elves." !!!

Post a Comment