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The End Has Come

The end of the world came today to Northern Texas. It was subtle and unassuming at first.
In the beginning, it was just this:

Harmless enough, right?
I didn't recognize it for the beast it was. I proceeded as usual, without caution, as any mother with two hungry children would do, whilst holding a granola bar. And then it looked like this:

And it was still good. It was even peaceful. There were shouts at joy at the anticipated consumption of sugar. There was praised offered to the mama who would bestow such hand-held delightfulness.

And then this happened:

And there was much weeping and wailing and gnashing of teeth. There were tears and mourning, and suspectible adjectives used in describing the once magnificent bestower. There was sticky goodness flung about and arms flailing in despair.

You say this isn't the end of the world?

Well, by the mouth of two [or three] witnesses, it was.

Great green grouse birds, that there granola bar's been CUT IN HALF.

There's nothing more traumatic in this world than a cut-in-half food item. To quote Harrison:


That's just it Millie, I DIDN'T cut it. There are some mistakes I only have to make once. Both of their blasted granola bars BROKE within moments of getting them. That's when all hell broke loose. I locked myself in the bathroom and sang "All Around The Cobbler's Bench" 27 times.

Don't you know? It tastes different if it's broken!

THIS is CLASSIC!!!! Oh, if I had a dime for every time that we could not go on because a piece of food broke...Tantrumming to end all tantrumming. And chewy granola bars are the WORST offenders! Oh my gosh, though, how COOL and FUNNY that you took pictures and blogged about it. I wish I had thought of that. Seriously. Funny. Stuff. Flavor-altered granola.

Ok,i got it!! It took me a minute and insomia but I got it. Next time just gobble up one of the "broken" pieces (making it whole again-see)like cookie monster leaving a big pile of crumbs and two bewildered blued kids not knowing whether to cry more, laugh or sing "all the around the cobblers bench". Let me know how that works today for you.

I am having large issues with broken cheese sticks.

I have read many books on parenting and none have mentionned this broken food condition. I am happy to know my daughter is not the only one traumatized by such an event.

p.s.(1) trying to melt cheese sticks back together doesn't work.
p.s.(2) yes I am a male...no need to comment on p.s.(1)

My apologies for insinuating that you had committed the Cardinal Food Sin of "cutting."

This is unbelievably embarrassing.

I mean, seriously, I'm going to need therapy now.

If you thought for one MOMENT that I meant you'd cut it...

Boy, is my face red. I don't know how I can go out in public now. It's as if - yes, it IS as if I were walking outside with my skirt trapped in the back of my nylons.

The feeling! The horrible feeling of agonizing humiliation! It's almost more than I can bear...

Where's my chocolate?


:: curled up in fetal position, rocking and sucking her thumb ::

Ok, now I've seen and read it all.

Broken granola bars for toddlers, who DO NOT do broken foods. Unbelievable. How did you ever decide to come out of the bathroom? you poor woman.

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