Dancing Without Rhythm

Things that are important to my 3 and a half year old boy:
Being Spiderman
Wearing boots
Cold water
Stating when he's Spiderman and when he's Peter Parker
Winning "I wonned, I wonned!"
Telling the same nonsensical knock-knock joke repeatedly
Telling me my sensical ones aren't funny
Me staying with him "fo-evoh" at night
Being able to wake me up in the morning
Naps
"swearing" with the words "stupid, shut-up, whatever, you kidding me" in that order, in quick succession
Sugar

Things that are important to my 19 month old girl:
Being right
Doing what she wants
Wearing boots
Riding a bike (in the street, half a block from home, in her pajamas)
Baby Einstein "wawt to waaaaaaaatch"
Bullying kids twice her size but with half her boldness and agility
Being held
Charming people
Taking off her pants
Wishing shirts were as easy to remove
Babies
Shoes
Sugar
Her dad

Today I ran a quick errand to the store with Benja in a Spiderman costume (complete with mask with limited peripheral vision) and the conversation the entire errand covered these ground rules, repeated 5 times.
"All I need is my spidey suit, and my mask. When I have that on, I'm Spiderman. When I have boots on, I'm Spiderman. They should be red and shiney, but Wal-mart doesn't have any. When I have my mask on, I'm Petoh Pawkoh. That's all you need to know about me."

Also, Spiderman's mask doesn't have a mouth, so I can't kiss him when he's Spiderman. I tried to explain that MaryJane kissed Spiderman, but he insisted that a)Spiderman was upside down and b)He was Peter Parker because he didn't have the mask all the way on.

This morning I had a 20 minute fight with Avee over who should throw away her mangled pizza crust. All without her being able to form complete sentences or me being able to use brute strength. She used her tactic of reaching for whatever you are trying to give her, as though she is finally giving in, and then chucking it back in your face like the stupid sucker you are. We don't say stupid in this house. Sucker isn't any better, but shutupwhateveryoukiddingme?
I am only telling you about this fight because it is the first one I have won. She of course woke up the rest of the entire house with her toddlerese swearing "NO-WAAAAAAAAAAY!" and one of those sleepers was a little boy I watch, 2 months older than her (and twice her size). He, being like most men, didn't get the point of all the screeching from both of us, picked up the pizza crust and headed for the trash. Then he had two redheads in his face instantly. I insisted he put it down and Avee insisted she have the privilege of putting it in the trash. You see, it was a cheap victory---but my first, and I won't let it go unnoticed.

Posted by Angela on Tuesday, October 24, 2006 at 10/24/2006 | Permalink