Dancing Without Rhythm

I have to say, there is something pretty darn liberating about knowing exactly who is reading my blog. I didn't necessarily feel restrained before, but this is cool! Now if only there was a way to know what you are wearing while you read....

I just really want to say thank you to all of you for lettin' me go private like this and sending me encouraging emails. And if you didn't send an encouraging email, you know who you are...
Just kidding. It's difficult for me to relate how hard this "invasion" is on me. It sometimes surprises even myself.

When Jay and I lived in Provo our cars got broken into 3 different times. His twice (and it's the biggest piece of crap in any parking lot in any town---go figure) and mine once. Sadly, the one time mine was broken into, that very night my friend had left a brand new $400 digital camera, her purse and checkbook in the car. It all got stolen. The checkbook thieves ordered pizza 7 times in the next 18 hours. Who can eat that much pizza? That's just insane. Anyway, I of course felt HORRIBLE that her stuff was gone from my car. I didn't know she had left it. And she figured, "It's Provo, what's the worst that could happen." Yeah well, she forgot which side of the tracks we lived on.

So, I was really really sick about it and just sort of heartbroken about the violation of someone having rifled through my personal possessions. This feeling stuck with me long after everything had been resolved, and I remember it surprising me that it was so lingering and so strong.

Interestingly enough, they rifled through all of my CDs and didn't care for my taste. Not a one was stolen. They did break my Michael McLean CD. Right in half. Probably just on principle alone. I actually understand that.

My whole point is this, I sort of have a similar surprising reaction to this "event". I was really sad and bothered that someone I didn't want to find me had found me.

I caught Ms. No Cool online shortly after I got my undesireable comment and my heart was just a lump in my throat, waiting to spill out all over my keyboard. I kept it together. You know, for the monitor's sake. But it was my online friend who offered typed sympathy and then distracted me with idle chatter and flattering words. I felt much better afterwards. She is one smooth talkin' Mexi.

Then I sent two pleas for email addresses to two people I have never met in my life. But they think I'm funny, and say nice things to me, so we're like, tight and stuff. And they responded kindly. Even though one of them yelled at me for making her have to type the word "rhythm" at 10:40 at night. I totally think she was right to get after me for that. And it made me feel better that these two "strangers" didn't flip me the bird, and responded kindly, and that was comforting.

And yesterday, before my late-night drama, I came home to a gift bag full of the most luscious looking grapefruits you have ever seen. And if Ben were here to read this he would add loudly, "And some chocolate chip cookies too that I only got two of, but Avery got three because she sneaked!" There were cookies too. But I was smitten by the grapefruits. That was a nice sweet surprise, that I kept thinking about through the night, and realized---the fruits of my blogging are SO worth it. Thanks Rebecca. Even though it was "no Ben and Jerry's" like you say, every true friend knows the key to my heart is well placed food. :) You are a good friend to me.

And Code Yellow Mom indulged me in a venting email where I may or may not have said some totally inflammatory things. And she let me, and still loves me. And offered to let me blog at her house since I'M GOING TO BE THERE IN A WEEK!!!!!!!

And tonight I called my friend Millie because honestly, she has the friendliest voice IN THE WORLD. And I can divulge that on my blog because unless Leslie, you really are a 53 year old man sitting at the computer in your boxers, in the basement of your mother's house---that secret is safe here. And I told her something completely juvenile and inappropriate that I did and she laughed and laughed and laughed, and I can't even tell you how refreshing that was. She could have just as easily said, "Your attempts at humor are offensive, I need to go pray for you" and hung up on me. Honestly---just as easily. But she laughed. She has a great laugh too. Makes you feel funnier than you really are.

As you can see, I am feeling considerably better about my membership in the blogging world, than I did last night. So thanks.

Posted by Angela on Friday, March 23, 2007 at 3/23/2007 | Permalink