Dancing Without Rhythm

It was every bit as thrilling as I imagined it would be. I have only ever seen these signs when I'm not pregnant. So, pulling into Kroger and seeing it, and being it and then doing it, it was all very exciting for me.

And now, I would like to share a scene with you from my appointment with the doctor this morning.

Scene: Expectant mother (see above) lying reclined on ever-so-comfortable ultrasound table.
Enter, Very Serious Doctor
(it should be noted, but is not overtly portrayed in this scene, expectant mother doesn't talk as much as she usually does or has in the past because her attempts at humor are either completely lost on or not appreciated by Very Serious Doctor. She also hates being talked to like she has a 3rd grade education when she is about to give birth to her 3rd child. However, it should also be noted, she understands most doctor's tendency to do this and is quite understanding. And beautiful.)

Doctor: Well hello there (briefly scans folder label)...Angela! How are things going?
Angela: They are going well!
Doctor: Do you have any questions for me?
Angela: (slight pause because she is a pleaser and would love nothing more than to offer a question to do her part with conversation and make the doctor feel good about having been so intuitive as to have asked, but remembers last time she asked a VERY good question, it didn't get answered, in. the. least. and really, she just can't be bothered by that kind of stuff) Nope. No questions. Things are going great.
Doctor: All right, let's check things out, see how things are going. He walks to the other side of room to retrieve ultrasound gel, with his back turned, Do you have any questions?
Angela: Nope. Meanwhile she shifts and maneuvers clothing as though she actually thinks there's any hope of decorum while lying on a table in a gynecology office. She modestly slides her maternity pants down an inch below her belly button because, well, there's still some decency in just an inch below the belly button. She knows Britney Spears didn't get in the tabloids showing her belly button. Doctor returns with gel, sees patients pathetic attempts to remain "proper", sighs and yanks waist of pants considerably lower than any ultrasound has any business being and the ultrasounding begins.
There are two minutes of complete silence and then:
Doctor: Looking good here--any questions?
Angela: (Biting tongue because she wants to say: Nope, not in the two minutes since you last asked. Or in the 30 seconds before that. Or in the 90 seconds before that...) Brightly: No, no questions here!
Doctor: (Finishing up and wiping 1 tablespoon's worth of the 4 cups of gel he has lathered on the patient's belly) All right, everything's looking good---now, do you have questions?
Angela: (Forcing herself to answer) No--but thanks!
Doctor: Okay, I want to see you in a week, take care, if you have any questions during the week, call me.
Angela: What, and miss an opportunity to actually have a question the 37 times you ask when I'm HERE?
Doctor exits, unaware that Angela has spoken. Mostly because she said it in her head, and OBVIOUSLY he ISN'T A MIND READER!!!

Posted by Angela on Wednesday, April 25, 2007 at 4/25/2007 | Permalink