Dancing Without Rhythm

The other day Ben came up to me and asked, "What does it mean to crush all your dreams?"

Whaaaaaa!? I think to myself, I need to crack down on the cartoons he's watching---he really doesn't need to be exposed to some hybrid-monstrous character who is clothed as a super-hero, saying such things into his precious, innocent ears.

"Where did you hear that phrase Ben?"

"Oh, Dr. Feel said it."

Well, if it's a television star psychologist he overheard it from, then that's fine.

I actually wanted to jump up off the couch today and kiss Dr. Phil. I've never really thought the middle-aged, married, bald, psychotherapist kind was my type, but my love for him was real today.

As an expression of my love, I would like to write him a love letter. You can read it if you want.

Dear Dr. Phil,

Do you mind if I just call you Phil? I first fell for your wit and charm and straight shootin' ways a couple of years ago. You had a guest on your show who was LDS. She was sort of an embarrassing representative. She was abusive to her children, one more than the others even. This was particularly distressing to me. She was just in general very unkind to her husband, but she had also cheated on him more than once. She had a Masters Degree, but didn't work, claimed her religion "didn't allow it." She had run her family into debt more than $60 thousand dollars in a fairly short period of time. I kept feeling embarrassed and a little angry that she behaved the way she did and then pulled out the religion card when you pressed her for some accountability for the family's financial distress.

I didn't know how shrewd you were. I was just a beginner. Imagine my shock when you whipped out our church leaders Proclamation on the Family and quoted it. You pointed out, not only did it not say "thou shalt not work" but you quoted it saying, "We warn that individuals who violate covenants of chastity, who abuse spouse or offspring, or who fail to fulfill family responsibilities will one day stand accountable before God." You called her on the carpet about using her religion as an excuse for having no accountability for finances, but certainly didn't adhere to her religion's clearly stated position on infidelity and abuse.

Phil, I have to say, you won me over that day.

Then when I'd watch your show now and then, I always got a big kick out of how you called stupid people stupid. And half the time, they wouldn't even know it. But us smart people, we knew.

One day I heard you talk about your wife, and wives in general. You stated that you believed one of the most important things you could do for your wife, is to give her the security, that when she walked into a room with 1,000 other women she knew without a doubt, no other woman in that room was treated better or more valued than she was.

I genuinely love that philosophy. I loved then that it was a way I could gauge how I felt as a wife. I am quite confident my husband provides that security for me, and he's got great cheekbones to boot. Sometimes I wish there were a few more chocolate covered strawberries in the equation, but I know I'm a lucky girl. It made me happy that you were putting that "expectation" out there for the world. The world needs more confident women who are loved by their husbands.

I confess, I haven't been able to watch your show much. Sometimes it's a little boring, other times, just bad timing. But today I got to watch. And you had a meth user on your show. He was strung out while on your show. I kept expecting you to say, "I can't work under these conditions" or something like that, but you didn't. You plowed ahead with this man who gave completely illogical, nonsensical responses to your questions.

When his wife mentioned his paranoia, you asked the man, "How are you feeling right now, are you feeling paranoid? Do you think I'm out to get you?" And he answered not really, but sorta, he'd like to "hope" you weren't since you invited them there and all, but yes, he was feeling a little paranoid. You leaned in, gently put a hand on his shoulder and said, "Let me clear something up for ya right now, I AM out to get you."

I whooped and hollered, and all nine months pregnant of me did a little couch jig. People need to be talked to honestly. There's too much pampering of ridiculousness in this world. In my humble opinion. You took it even a step further, in a way that truly amazed me. I got tears in my eyes. Yeah, it's a little embarrassing to get teary-eyed watching your show, but it's a risk I'm willing to take for you Phil. You explained that you weren't after the strung out meth user, you were after the man inside, the healthy, responsible, productive, loving man he used to be, that is inside, trying desperately to be freed.

Seriously, I wanted to kiss you.

Later when you told the lying addict that you knew she was lying because her lips were moving, I laughed and laughed.

I have to say, I'm always amazed at the angles you take. I think you'll be rude and cut them down, and you put on kid gloves. I think you'll be patient and understanding and you threaten to give them a good ol' fashion southern arse whoopin'. And somehow it always seems to be just right.

Oh, I could go on for ages, but---you're happily married, I'm happily married---there's really no point. However, in light of your well-known philosophy "You teach people how to treat you" I'd like to teach you to treat me to a Caribbean cruise, a personal trainer, and a whole new wardrobe. Let me know.

With Love,
Angela

Posted by Angela on Friday, May 11, 2007 at 5/11/2007 | Permalink